Jason is not my big brother.

Jessica loved rainbows. She was seven years old but she had her share of stories. Most of witch involved her hero; Jason. Jason was her big brother who was in high school. Jason acknowledged her as his biggest fan and never forgot to invite her to visit him at work or to tag along on his errands. The only things she thought about anymore were rainbows and seeing Jason again. School seemed far away but she still passed her classes. One day she even drew a rainbow on Jason’s’ bedroom window so he “will remember me if I have to go away.”

Jessica thought the government was going to take her away like they did to her dad. She ducked when the cops drove by and looked at people downtown suspiciously. She held onto Jason’s shirt or held his hand most times. Jason never made fun of her for this. He was afraid his mother would be taken away too. His father had been proven unstable to support a family and he had to move away from his children.

One evening the small family was gathered round the square table eating some pasta their mother had thrown together after she got home from work. Jason’s cell phone rang. He excused himself and walked into the hallway. Jessica pushed some noodles around and took a gigantic bite.

“Jessica!”
“What can I say mom? It’s delicious.” She grinned.
“Oh you silly girl.” Her mother reached over and ruffled her hair.
“Mommy!” she laughed trying to get away.

Jason slid back into his seat and started eating again.

“Well,” his mother said stabbing her food “who was that?”

“Oh. Um, no one really,” he poked at his dinner with his fork “just Anne.”

“Ooo. Really Jason? No one… really?” Jessica’s brown eyes stared across at him.

His hazel ones looked back at her and he smiled. “What do they teach you second graders?” he laughed.

His mother rolled her eyes and took her plate to the kitchen. Jessica watched her closely and as soon as she was out of earshot turned to Jason.


“I’m serious Jason. Do you like this girl?” she looked up though her fringe in a superior sort of way.

Jason put down his fork. “Why, actually,” he said matter-of-factly “I do.” He picked up his fork again and continued eating, unfazed.

Jessica thought carefully and put her plate in the sink. As she walked though the dining room on her way upstairs she saw her brother texting and laughing at something. He was all by him self.

‘He looks a bit mad, sitting there eating and laughing alone.’ She thought as she climbed up the stairs in her big step taking way.

That night she tossed and turned in her bed. She wandered down the hall to Jason’s room. She held her hands carefully folded in front of her like at school. When she reached the door to his room she stared inside in awe.

The room was all black but for the glowing red LCD alarm clock. The room was dirty but still Jason loved it and in turn, so did Jessica. She saw Jason in front of her, half asleep in his jeans and t-shirt he wore all day. She looked frightened and small. He smiled weakly and pulled her up by the waist. When she was eye level with him he laughed.

“I knew you would come! I could hear you tossing and turning all the way down here.”

“I cannot sleep. Humph, let me go.” She squirmed around until he put her down.

“What is bothering you miss. Jess-a-belle-ica? Why do you stir in your little tiger slumber so late at night?” he sat on the carpet to be eye level with her.

“This… Um… Girl, Jason, you don’t… Um… love her more than me… do you?” she wrung her hands in front of her, as they got a bit sweaty.

“Oh, Jess…” he almost cried but instead he held her hands in a tight squeeze “Of course not. I can’t love any old fool of a girl more than you. You are my little… Princess. You know that?”

Jess sighed and hugged Jason fiercely “I knew that I guess. And will I always be your princess Jason?”

Jason hugged her right back in the dimly lit hallway and told her she would of course forever be his little Princess, until the day she died.

The next morning they both were in a well mood. Jason in his own way treasured every moment and Jessica happily went back to her routine making sure not to do anything to upset her family.

The next day was Friday. That night Jason went out with Anne to a concert. She told him on the way home she had the greatest time ever and wanted to do something again some time. Jason asked her to come to a party with him and she said “Yeah, sure. Whatever boy.” As if she didn’t care when really she wanted to blow up with her yes’s. When she got out of his car she leaned over and kissed him. He nearly melted. She left him and he drove home in a daze.
When he and Anne finally went out again he felt a bit renewed as if having a girlfriend made him manlier or something. After they both emptied a few plastic cups of beer he wasn’t hardly buzzed but she was obviously borderline drunk.

She was sitting on a bookcase with Jason holding onto her legs. She swayed with the music and he tried to keep her from falling while he held her. She leaned back, slouching on the wall.

“Oh, um… Jason, can I, uh, ask you something?” she asked swinging her head a bit and then she giggled for a measure.

“’Course ya can.”

“Do you love me?”

Jason thought a bit. Then he snapped back to reality. Jessica. Anne. Jessica. Anne.

“Sure I love you. I mean you are my girl.”

“Oh Jason.” She leaned forward and kissed him “Do you… lub me most in the whole wide world?”

Jason thought of his promise to his sister but then again there was a drunken girl asking for his attention. Needless to say he was stupid about this decision. He chugged a beer and looked back at Anne who was sitting up with her arms around him.

“Anne… I DO love you more than the entire world.”

Anne and Jason ended up with headaches and in the same bed the next morning. He stood up. He got dressed. He looked around. He was at Anne’s. Crap. He snuck out in the early morning dark and drove home. He snuck in without being spotted. When he went upstairs he noticed something odd. It felt empty. He checked Jessica’s bed. Empty. He ran down the hall to his mothers. Empty.

He went downstairs to call the cops. The little blinking number said there were two messages on the house phone. He pressed play. It was a doctor.

“Hello, we understand that there is a Jason at this number, I was told by your mother to tell you what has happened. Earlier tonight your mother and sister were out driving to the store around 10 p.m. apparently for a late night treat, when they were hit head on and the driver of the other vehicle managed to drive away leaving your mother unconscious and your sister bleeding and she ran to the gas station for help. Your mother is fine now and told us what she knows of the incident… Your sister however saw her mother in the car when she returned from the gas station she fell and now is unresponsive. If you would like to visit your family they are at Dreams Of Morrow Hospital…” Jason didn’t even listen to the address he just began to cry.
The next message started up…
“Jason? Honey? This is mom… please I can’t leave your sister come to the hospital now. We have to talk… I love you and please come… Jessica needs you.”

Jason thought the worst as he got in his car and drove to the small hospital. He parked hastily and ran inside he collided with his mother in the first floor lobby.

He grabbed her shoulders and stared into her eyes before hugging her tightly.
“Mom, oh, mom I’m so sorry for coming so late. I’m so sorry…” now his tears ran like rivers and onto his mother back.

“Jason, Jason. Look at me.” She held him at arms length “We need you to see Jessica to see if you might be able to help. Pull yourself together and follow me.”

She went to the elevator and pushed the button for the third floor with Jason in her shadow. She marched to a room and opened the door and ushered Jason inside. He gasped.

His sister was laying in the hospital bed, cuts all over her and bruises too. She lay with her side to one head and tubes all around her. Jason stood next to her and held her hand.

“Jessica? Princess? Please wake up. Please?” his tears slid onto her face and she stirred a bit “Oh, Jess! Jess, talk to me. It’s your brother, Jason. Remember me? Talk to me Jessica.”

Jessica opened her eyes and looked at Jason. The color and shine was weak and she looked sad. She stared at Jason’s pleading face for a long time.

“Jason… I know you. You are my friend. You cannot call yourself my brother.
I have seen my brother, he does not look tired, or sick, also he has markings here…”She gently ran her finger along his arm “the markings spell my name. You have no markings. You cannot be my brother. My brother waits for me in heaven, although I know he hasn’t died yet. He will, but he will not for a long time, you do not look like him, so you are not my brother, Jason, do you understand?”

She spoke so logistically it was hard not to believe her. Jason shook his head.

“No, Jess, I am your brother. ME. Why can’t you see that? You are my princess remember Jessica? Remember?”

“Yes, until the day I die I am my brothers princess, but I cannot be your princess much longer I feel weak, I cannot hardly speak, I hope you turn out to be the good brother god told me you should be. I hope Jason, I hope.” Her eyes closed again.

Jason held her hand until he realized it was no longer warm and the machine had been playing a flat line note. He let go and turned to the doctor.
“I am sorry.” Was his only consolation.

By the time Jessica had her funeral Jason had decide to be that brother god had show her. As a matter of fact the first thing he did was went out and got a tattoo. It said ‘Jessica’ in an arch on his arm in the colors of the rainbow. He didn’t care the kids at school made fun of him. He loved her too much to let it get to him.

Anne came to the funeral even though Jason told her she didn’t have to. She told him she felt totally responsible for her death. Jason and his mother didn’t cry until the coffin was being buried and even then in dignified silence.

“I love you Jessica, more than the whole universe.” He told her when she was being buried that day. “I wish I could have been your brother when you died.” And his mother was the only one who understood.