Another Wish For You Written April 26 2009

Another Wish For You.
I have another wish, one just for you,
I wish that in everything that you do,
The thing you succeed in is forgetting
what happened. No, I'm not regretting
three months of life that went and changed me,
all I want is for you to see how different we could be.

I wish that wish with all my heart,
That those memories will fall apart.
It's not about putting the past behind us,
It's about living in the happiness I denied us.
I realize that it may be hard for you to believe,
But Woman, I speak with my heart on my sleeve.

I don't know why I continue to speak,
Each conversation with you makes me weak.
You say my words leave you in admiration and awe,
But they leave me feeling open and raw.

So I wish, over and over, again and again,
That you will forget, and so my hurt constrain.
There's so much beauty in this world you should see,
Sometimes I feel that if it were not for me,
You'd be the one I knew you ought to be,
Not the half lost girl I know, imprecisely free.

I have another wish, one just for you,
I wish that in everything that you do,
The thing you succeed in is forgetting
what happened. No, I'm not regretting
three months of life that went and changed me,
all I want is for you to see how different we could be.

Forever Is Not Long Enough Written April Sixth Two thousand and Nine

This is not my forever. This is not my eternity. This is not my today. That will not be my dream. This is not my life. You are not my life. I am my life. And Don't for a second think otherwise. I am growing up. I am changing. You cannot stop me. I cannot stop you from trying to escape this life you've built for all of us. I accept it as reality but I do not accept it as my future. You cannot know the future. You cannot know my future. It is something I must make for myself. This is one part of me not under your influence. I will escape this one day. Your perfectness cannot last. I will escape this one day. There is not room enough for me and your expectations. I Wonder If You Will Miss Me.

I was so ready... Written April 1, 2009

I was so ready.



I was so ready for you to go.

I was so ready to let you go.

I was so ready to forget you.

I was so ready to shrug it off.

I was so ready to move on.

I was so ready to lie to them.

I was so ready to pretend.

I was so ready.....

You should be a memory,
a part of my past,
already long gone,
But you're not.........

I was so ready to have you out of my life, I was already forgetting you, why did you have to go and do something like that?

The stranger living my life is me, and she's not so strange after all. Written March 27, 2009

Is this all real? Can it be?
Is The girl in the mirror somehow me?
So at peace with all around,
The girl that can't keep her mind aground,
can it be
that she is me?

Is it so simple, can it be?
Can my ideal just be... me?
Someone good, not great,
Not perfect, but in a decent state?
Can it be
my ideal is me?

Inhale, exhale, can it be
that all I had to do was find me?
Smiling, sharing, all the best,
Frowning, cursing, and yet blessed.
Can it be
That I've found me?

Oh, truly, can it be?
That someone can look and see me,
Flaws and all, and still believe
I am who I say, with my heart on my sleeve.
Oh, ever, can it be,
that I can show off the girl who is me?

My companion dearest, can it be?
After many a words, that I've found me?
All the nights we've searched and looked,
the fishing line has the girl hooked.
Companion dearest, can it be,
that you are actually happy for me?


Of all these things, all I know,
Is that she was too afraid to show,
her gentle face,
in fear of disgrace,
for not being who she thought,
for not having fought
her inner demons to finally see
the wonderful child that she could be.
She did not think that she had earned
the right to learn of herself what she had learned,
but now she is here to stay,
at least...
She is here for another day.

I'm still here. Will I ever want to be? Written March 15, 2009

I'm still here and I don't want to be,
I'm still here, the woman you will never see.
I've grown, I am eight years old no longer.
I've grown smarter, I've grown stronger.
But there is still something from you that I need.
Something that I can't swallow inward or outward bleed.
I need to know that you'll always be there,
By choice, not the law ordered care.
I need to know that you're worth this,
Worth the times I was dismissed.
All I ever wanted was a loving father
But when I called for you, you couldn't be bothered
to look and see me drowning quick,
I had to beg to make the message stick.
Like I said, I'm stronger these days,
But I need to know you've changed your ways.
I still need a father,
Tell me why I bother.

I'm still here, I never wanted to be.
But that's something you're too busy too see,
I'm not sure that I can hang out much longer,
My desire to escape this place has only grown stronger.
In hindsight, kinship creates not love nor need....
Family blood is just something that we bleed.