I'm still here. Will I ever want to be? Written March 15, 2009

I'm still here and I don't want to be,
I'm still here, the woman you will never see.
I've grown, I am eight years old no longer.
I've grown smarter, I've grown stronger.
But there is still something from you that I need.
Something that I can't swallow inward or outward bleed.
I need to know that you'll always be there,
By choice, not the law ordered care.
I need to know that you're worth this,
Worth the times I was dismissed.
All I ever wanted was a loving father
But when I called for you, you couldn't be bothered
to look and see me drowning quick,
I had to beg to make the message stick.
Like I said, I'm stronger these days,
But I need to know you've changed your ways.
I still need a father,
Tell me why I bother.

I'm still here, I never wanted to be.
But that's something you're too busy too see,
I'm not sure that I can hang out much longer,
My desire to escape this place has only grown stronger.
In hindsight, kinship creates not love nor need....
Family blood is just something that we bleed.